The Nets Family

All professional sports teams spend a lot of time together during the season because this is the players’ jobs. They practice together, play games together, travel together, and more. Some would say that being on a pro sports team is like being a part of a family. So I thought, what if the Nets were a family? What would the players’ roles be in the family? I did my best to answer those questions below.

(I did a similar article to this last year where I compared Nets players to New York Mets players. See those comparisons here, here, and here.)

Apr 10, 2012; Newark, NJ, USA; New Jersey Nets point guard Deron Williams (8) brings the ball up court during the second half against the Philadelphia 76ers at the Prudential Center. The 76ers won 107-88. Mandatory Credit: Jim O

Deron Williams-Your mother. She runs the family and there is no arguing with her. She can go wherever she wants and do whatever she wants. 

Deron really runs the Nets and he can do whatever he wants. He has all the power, including power over Avery Johnson and Billy King, and he basically is going to decide the future of the franchise. A family will fall apart without the mother and the Nets will fall apart without Deron.

Mar 28, 2012; Newark, NJ, USA; New Jersey Nets small forward Gerald Wallace (45) brings the ball up court during the first half against the Indiana Pacers at the Prudential Center. Mandatory Credit: Jim O

Gerald Wallace-Your father. He has a lot of power in the house too. You don’t want to mess with him because he makes the money (gets the wins) for your family. 

He has been the MVP for the Nets since they acquired him at the trade deadline and he is the reason why they are playing better now than they had been all season. He sacrifices a lot for the team, much like a father sacrifices a lot for a family. He does all the dirty work on the court much like a father has to do the dirty work around the house.

Mar 19, 2012; Newark, NJ, USA; New Jersey Nets guard MarShon Brooks (9) brings the ball up court against the Cleveland Cavaliers at the Prudential Center. Mandatory Credit: Jim O

Marshon Brooks-Your little brother who you can pick on now, but in a few years, he will probably be better than you. 

The Nets have enjoyed hazing Marshon very much this season, and that is why he is a little brother. However, every Net knows that he can be very good by as soon as next season, and may be an all-star in the future. That is why they must pick on him now, before he gets better than them.

Mar 10 2012; Newark, New Jersey, USA; New Jersey Nets point guard Jordan Farmar (2) shoots over Houston Rockets point guard Goran Dragic (3) during the first half at the Prudential Center. Mandatory Credit: Alan Maglaque-US PRESSWIRE

Jordan Farmar-Your cool twin brother who is very popular, but maybe undeservedly so. 

Farmar is definitely a fan favorite among Nets fans. One of the reasons for that is his game winner against the Clippers, and also because he is Jewish and played in Israel during the lockout. However, he may not deserve all this popularity because he has been injured for so much of the season, including right now. He will not return for the remainder of the season because of a groin injury.

Apr 10, 2012; Newark, NJ, USA; New Jersey Nets shooting guard Gerald Green (14) drives to the basket during the second half against the Philadelphia 76ers at the Prudential Center. Philadelphia 76ers defeat the New Jersey Nets 107-88. Mandatory Credit: Jim O

Gerald Green-Your older brother, who, at one point was a complete failure, but is finally getting his life together. 

After being a first round pick in 2005, Gerald Green’s career really went downhill. He is finally making his comeback to the NBA in 2012, and has become a spark off the bench for the Nets. He is like a brother who is much older than you that, after going to college, was unable to find a job until he was 30. He is finally doing well for himself now.

March 6, 2012; Miami, FL, USA; New Jersey Nets shooting guard DeShawn Stevenson (92) dribbles the ball against the Miami Heat at the American Airlines Arena. Mandatory Credit: Robert Mayer-US PRESSWIRE

Deshawn Stevenson-Your crazy grandma. She is very knowledgable, but you don’t always want to take advice from her. 

Deshawn Stevenson is the most veteran player on the Nets and has been in the NBA for about 10 years. He is very knowledgeable, but is not a good basketball player any more and for some reason still makes a lot of bad decisions on the court. This includes taking long 3′s that always hit the front rim and throwing terrible alley-oops from half court. I guess sometimes they work.

March 30, 2012; Oakland, CA, USA; New Jersey Nets center Johan Petro (27) shoots the ball against the Golden State Warriors during the first quarter at ORACLE Arena. Mandatory Credit: Kyle Terada-US PRESSWIRE

Johan Petro-Your crazy grandpa. He always tries giving you advice, but you should never listen to any of it because he is completely insane. 

I really think Petro is completely insane. In warm-ups, he always takes half-court shots and 3′s, while not working on his inside game, which is what a 7-footer should be doing. In games, he takes way too many outside shots and they usually miss. He also gives the impression of being a very weird grandpa someday. I’m not quite sure why.

Mar 12, 2012; Newark, NJ, USA; Milwaukee Bucks small forward Mike Dunleavy (17) fouls New Jersey Nets power forward Shelden Williams (33) during the second half at the Prudential Center. Milwaukee Bucks defeat the New Jersey Nets 105-99. Mandatory Credit: Jim O

Shelden Williams-Your normal grandpa. He actually gives pretty good advice and he has worked hard his whole life to get your family to the point that it’s at. 

Shelden is such a grandpa. On the court, he is slow, but he always gives a full effort. He usually makes smart decisions on the court even though he is kind of uncoordinated. He sets the tone for many Nets games, much like a grandpa sets the tone for the family.

April 3, 2012; Los Angeles, CA, USA; New Jersey Nets power forward Kris Humphries (43) moves the ball down court against the Los Angeles Lakers during the first half at Staples Center. Mandatory Credit: Gary A. Vasquez-US PRESSWIRE

Kris Humphries-Your older cousin, who like Gerald Green, was at one point a failure, but has risen in recent years. Now that he is more successful, he loves the limelight. 

Kris Humphries was drafted in 2004, but really didn’t begin his career until he joined the Nets in 2010. The Nets gave him his second shot, like Gerald Green. You can tell he loves the limelight because of the Kardashian stuff.

Apr 6, 2012; Newark, NJ, USA; New Jersey Nets guard Anthony Morrow (22) makes a pass against the Washington Wizards during the second half at the Prudential Center. The Nets won the game 110-98 Mandatory Credit: Joe Camporeale-US PRESSWIRE

Anthony Morrow-Your younger cousin who has some very impressive talents, but there is probably a limit to what he will accomplish in his life. 

Morrow’s very impressive talent is his shooting, but that can only take you so far in the NBA. A younger cousin could have the talent of let’s say playing piano, but that really is not going to take him very far in life.

Feb 28, 2012; Dallas, TX, USA; New Jersey Nets center Brook Lopez (11) celebrates after scoring in the second quarter against Dallas Mavericks forward Brandan Wright (34) at American Airlines Center. Mandatory Credit: Matthew Emmons-US PRESSWIRE

Brook Lopez-Your uncle who you never see. Everybody has that one uncle who never shows up to family reunions, but all the relatives always talk about him. 

This was an obvious choice. Brook Lopez has only played in 5 games this season, and this is why we have never seen him. However, he has been talked about all season because of 1. Dwight Howard trade rumors and 2. What could have been if he actually played a full season with Deron Williams this year.

Apr 6, 2012; Newark, NJ, USA; Washington Wizards center Kevin Seraphin (13) defends against New Jersey Nets forward Jordan Williams (20) during the second half at the Prudential Center. The Nets won the game 110-98 Mandatory Credit: Joe Camporeale-US PRESSWIRE

Jordan Williams-Your young uncle. He has always been talented, but has never really lived up to his talent and he may lose his job. 

J-Will definitely has some talent. We have seen this from some of his moves on offense and he seems like a capable rebounder. But I sometimes question his will to win and his ability to stay in shape, and he has not been very consistent this year.

March 16, 2012; Orlando FL, USA; New Jersey Nets guard Sundiata Gaines (1) dribbles the ball during the first half against the Orlando Magic at Amway Center. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-US PRESSWIRE

Sundiata Gaines-Your weird female cousin that your aunt and uncle force to live in a closet under the staircase away from the rest of the family because she just doesn’t fit in. 

I never read the Harry Potter books, but I saw most of the movies. In one of the early movies (I have no idea which one), Harry Potter’s foster parents have him live under a staircase I think. I hope I’m not confusing this with another movie, which is very possible. That is Sundiata Gaines. I don’t think that needs any more explanation.

Dec 27, 2011; Newark, NJ, USA; New Jersey Nets small forward Damion James (10) grabs rebound during the first half against the Atlanta Hawks at the Prudential Center. Mandatory Credit: Jim O

Keith Bogans, Damion James, Mehmet Okur, Shawne Williams-Your 2nd or 3rd cousins who recently passed away. You never really got to know them too well, so in all honesty, you don’t care. 

RIP. All these guys are out for the year with season ending injuries. In fact, all of them are foot injuries except for Okur. It seems like a plague has hit the Nets this year, and these guys were the victims of the plague.

Jan 29, 2012; Newark, NJ, USA; New Jersey Nets head coach Avery Johnson talks to New Jersey Nets forward Larry Owens (24) during the second half against Toronto Raptors at the Prudential Center. Raptors beat the Nets 94-73. Mandatory Credit: Nicole Sweet-US PRESSWIRE

Andre Emmett, Dennis Horner, Larry Owens, Jerry Smith, Armon Johnson-Your parents often have foster children around the house. All of these guys have been foster children at some point, but they have now returned to the orphanage. 

All these guys are D-League call-ups that were given 10-day contracts. They have all been sent back down to the D-League, with the exception of Armon Johnson who is currently on a 10-day contract and will probably return to the Idaho Stampede when the contract expires.

Do you disagree with any of my family role assignments? Post your opinions and corrections in the comments section below. 

Topics: Andre Emmett, Anthony Morrow, Armon Johnson, Brook Lopez, Damion James, Dennis Horner, Deron Williams, Deshawn Stevenson, Gerald Green, Gerald Wallace, Jerry Smith, Johan Petro, Jordan Farmar, Jordan Williams, Keith Bogans, Kris Humphries, Larry Owens, Marshon Brooks, Mehmet Okur, NBA, New Jersey Nets, Shawne Williams, Shelden Williams, Sundiata Gaines

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